| Feeling the terror
Not wanting to come My presence means death I hear the shouting Please dont be born Not today, not ever You will then be gone The inevitable happens They take me away I scream out my lungs No one comes My voice not heard I continue to resist What is happening to me |
I just want my mom
My soul cries out please dont go Come back Come back Please let me know Im needed Im wanted Im loved Im alive? They take me today I am handed over to them I feel them needing me Wanting something I can not give To them I am theirs now This I can not believe My being cries out NO Please give me back |
I arch my back
Little hands pushing them away I rage for months Still hoping she will come One day I tire and give up the fight She is gone forever This is where I am at This is who I am Or is it? Numb I find is the only way to be To act as if in some great way I sell my core at the highest cost Never looking back at what I lost Lisa Klosowski 2000 |
TO MY INNER CHILD:
I'VE COME TO BE WITH YOU MY CHILD AND TAKE YOUR FEARS AWAY
I WANT YOU TO FIND COMFORT IN THE THINGS I HAVE TO SAY
IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO CRY IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE WEAK
FOR EVERY TEAR YOU SHED MY LOVE FALLS GENTLY FROM MY CHEEK
WE'LL WALK THIS ROAD TOGETHER FOREVER SIDE BY SIDE
I'LL HOLD ON TO YOU TIGHTLY NO LONGER WILL YOU HIDE
WHEN YOU ARE SAD I SHARE IN IT WHEN ANGRY I AM TOO
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THRU
COME SIT WITH ME UPON OUR CLOUD OR LET US TAKE A WALK
I SEE SUCH PAIN UPON YOUR FACE YOU DO NOT NEED TO TALK
I WILL BE HERE TO HELP YOU FROM YOU I'LL TAKE THE LEAD
CLOSE YOUR EYES, GIVE ME A HUG, AND TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED
Deb Godek
March 2001
Linda, Birthmother
February 22, 2001
I shed a tear
for the person lost
inside me.
I shed a tear
for the
lonely person.
I shed a tear
for the person I am
trying to get out.
I shed a tear
for the person I am
trying to be.
I shed a tear
for the people
I see around me.
Simone Riep
Feb.9 2001
I trusted you believed in you found peace in your embrace
My darkened days were brightened by a smile upon your face
I learned to know that in your words I'd always find the truth
Until my world turned upside down while face to face with Ruth
The news she shared cut like a knife and tore straight through my heart
For I have learned that someone else may have loved me from the start
How could you not have told me that the Mom inside the tomb
Is not from where I'm from I find I'm from a different womb
You thought I'd never learn about the secrets that you kept
The truth I think could have helped me when Mom died and then I wept
I was allowed to grieve for her waved good bye and blew a kiss
But now I have such pain inside for it's two Moms that I miss
Deb Godek, 2000
Poems by Robin Westbrook
The Child Never Born
(An Adoptee In Search)
Can you tell me a story, to lull me to
sleep,
About questions and answers and little
lost sheep?
The thunder is rolling and I do fear the
storm,
Can you spare a small tale for a child,
never born?
Can you show me a face that looks something
like mine?
Can you tell me a name that my heart might
divine?
Now I wander in darkness, I'm bleeding
and torn.
Can't you just say the name, for a child,
never born?
Was she filled with confusion, with shame
and with fear?
Was she brave when we parted? Did she
shed a tear?
Can't you see that it's ME I search for
in her form?
Can you please tell the truth to a child,
never born?
I know caterpillars become butterflies,
Well, I can become nothing on secrets
and lies.
I am weary of secrets, My patience is
worn.
Please give back my birth, to this child,
never born.
Robin Westbrook
© 1993
(I wrote the above after reading "Journey
Of The Adopted Self" and having
many discussions with my daughter about
her search for me. I dedicated it to
all adoptees who search.)
=============================================================
Who Am I?
Look at me, Look closely at my face and truly see me.
I am the face of the housewife, the store
clerk, the doctor, the teacher, the
doting grandmother, the "childless" business
executive, the judge, the
florist, the drycleaner on the corner,
the crossing guard..all these and more.
Behind my face, lies the truth you deny.
Behind the wall I have built for
self-protection, is the pain you refuse
to see. My face does not reveal the
open wound in my heart, but it is there.
I am the forgotten face, the face that
fades into the crowd, that reinvents
itself in order to fit in with all the
rest of you.
I am the face that many wish would remain
forever anonymous, the face that
many long to see yet the face that others
fear.
I am the face of denial and repression.
Behind my silent, sealed lips, there
are cries of grief and screams of rage.
Behind my dry eyes, is a lifetime of
unshed tears.
I am the face of long-ago shame and yesterday's
scandal. I am the face of an
imprisoned soul, punished for breaking
obsolete and unloving rules.
I am the face of one-half of a whole. I
am a missing piece longing for
completion. I am the face of a traumatic
and unnatural separation and a
primal wound.
I am the face of grief without a grave,
questions without answers and secrets
unknown. I am the face of an unfinished
story, a life in limbo and a victim
of the needs and desires of others.
I am the face of remorse and betrayal and
a singular brand of loneliness. I
am the face of unique tragedy.
I am the face that, now, emerges from obscurity
and calls out to be seen. You
can call me the birthmother, the first
mother, the natural mother or whatever
term meets your comfort level, but it
won't change the fact at hand.
That fact is that I am a MOTHER without her child.
Robin Westbrook
@2000
The above piece is representative of my "epiphany"..when
I fully came to realize
the toll that secret adoption and all its ramification
had taken on me as a
woman and as a mother.
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