ACCESS NEWS
 Autumn Edition 2001                            Vol.  XVI  No. 1                          ISSUE 61
Always Your Mom, Never Your Parent

I can never bring you back

into the time of your childhood - 
my youth.
The thing that I always grieved I still do 
and always will -
that someone else knew you,
all the things about you that were part of me -
all that I was forbidden to  see.
Someone else saw a part of me in you 
but didn’t know what she was seeing.
She saw me as a child, repeated in you.
 She grieved too, 
not seeing herself as a child 
in someone new,
 while I grieved the part of me that was always just 
a shadow dancing through 
my mind.
I mourned little me in little you
gone off to live life someplace
away from the wonder of my gaze.
Now I behold you and search for
something of me there.
But I look though the image that was shaped
by  a lifetime in the presence
of others who made 
themselves a part of you as you became 
a part of them.
 

 Now I cautiously move to know
the person into which
you have grown.
The child you were will forever
dance in my mind -
now with a face, but still
in some other place.
Now I see you as God’s child
formed from the same clay as me,
guided by the hand of another
To arrive at the place you are,
 the you of your destiny.
This is what I seek to know 
And it is hard, so very hard.
How can I ever bring the two “you’s”
into harmony?
Can you bring your two moms side by side
somewhere in your heart?
All that you might have known and been,
all that you did know and are,
all that we never will be
and what we now are,
somehow is weaving
 into something - a new receiving blanket
that will grow familiar and comfortable
with time,
wrapping us all in the strange 
oneness that destiny has
designed.
 

Janet McDonald (c) 2001
 

China Doll

Mother Father corporate warrior's how brave
Father is so dashing, so bold
Mother is beautiful, so shrewd

>From the finest stock you come
No one in your family has ever been a bum

Corporate take overs are all you know
Plant closings, consolidations
You do these without hesitation

BMW's, Lexus, Mercedes
You have all the neatest thing

Something is missing, something is a miss
Mother grown to old, to busy before

Searched the world for me, you did
Even looked for me in a communist country

Father mother you came for me......
Father's body strapped with cash, He's so brave

Stroller, baby stuff in hand you guys had a plan
You both came to me in this distant land

Contracts, lawyers you understand
Cash talks to this little orphanage man

Home we go
To the land of Disney
Fantasy awaits, joy, happiness
Everything is ours

Our house so grand
My nanny so swell
All my toys are made in China, just like me

Mommy Daddy, who am I?

Matt (c)


 

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